My Grandmothers, Random Thoughts & (Indirectly) Why Vote

I was lucky. I had two grandmothers that were passionate about life, their rights, and beliefs. Each belonged to a very different church, but both would have been considered good, religious women. Both were vocal about current affairs; both liked to discuss politics in general. Both were adamant about voting. (Neither here nor there, both were pretty much self-educated and enjoyed learning, neither drank alcohol, both of their mothers died in 1926, both happened to be Republican.)

My paternal grandmother was older and "old", less demonstrative, quieter, more stern, and rather old fashioned about how women should act. However, she was insistant on being involved and having women (in general) involved in the community. She belonged to several civic organizations and was very active in a couple of them.

She was one of the youngest of 26 (count them!) children. Grandma didn't say too much about her younger years. She'd just say, "You don't have any idea how lucky you are." or "You sure are spoiled." From other family members, I learned of her childhood; it wasn't particularly good, happy, or otherwise.

This grandma didn't talk to us directly very much, but did take us with her to many functions. (She was of the "a child should be seen but not heard" school.) We were influenced by what we heard her say to others and by what she did with her life.

My maternal grandmother was almost 14 years younger than my other grandmother, so her outlook was different. She was a teen in the "Roaring" wicked 1920's, although she lived on a ranch a long way from civilization during part of that time. This grandma was a little more lenient, more open-minded, more demonstrative. She worked and had worked outside the home; had lived and worked for a while on an Indian reservation; had run a business; and had moved all over the country - where ever there was work for either her or her husband (Grandpa).

She was concerned with social issues such as domestic abuse, disease control, women and minority's rights, and (horrors!) birth control. (One would think that she should have been a Democrat. The difference is that she believed that individuals and churches should be responsible for taking care of these problems not the government.)

This grandma would listen to what we had to say. She would correct us or discuss with us, but we were never treated like we were silly or stupid. This grandma talked to us like we were adults. She told of her family, her experiences, about things that bothered her, what made her happy.

This grandma was one of the oldest of seven living children and had been expected to bring in money to help support the family. She grew up rather poor, but she had a fairly happy and loving childhood. Grandma taught us with her words and actions.

I was in high school, went to college, worked, got married, and had a child all in the 1970's. But, the feminism idea wasn't really new to me. I'd basically heard my female relatives "vent" (usually they were fairly quiet about it - there would be almost hidden tears and "I don't like it, but that's life. I wish I could change it, but I can't" attitude) against the inequities all my life. There are too many instances to write about here.) Although I didn't agree with the most radical aspects of Feminism, I was glad that in the 1970's somebody was finally doing something about trying to change attitudes of society and some of the laws that still forbid women certain rights.

Women's Right to Vote

Before the copy of the email starts, I'd like to note that my paternal grandmother was 25 years old when she could vote for the 1st time!

This is a copy of an email I received. This is important.

Subject: Womens right to vote

This is an important time in History for Women!!

THIS IS VERY MOVING. HOW QUICKLY WE FORGET, IF WE EVER KNEW.


WHY WOMEN SHOULD VOTE

This is the story of our Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers; they lived only 90 years ago.

Remember, it was not until 1920 that women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.

The women were innocent and defenseless, but they were jailed nonetheless for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote.

And by the end of the night, they were barely alive.

Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden's blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of 'obstructing sidewalk traffic.'

Lucy Burns

They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.


Dora Lewis

They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack.

Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.

Thus unfolded the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917,when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson's White House for the right to vote.

For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food--all of it colorless slop--was infested with worms.

Alice Paul

When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.

So, refresh my memory. Some women won't vote this year because- -why, exactly? We have carpool duties? We have to get to work? Our vote doesn't matter? It's raining?

Last week, I went to a sparsely attended screening of HBO's new movie 'Iron Jawed Angels.' It is a graphic depiction of the battle these women waged so that I could pull the curtain at the polling booth and have my say. I am ashamed to say I needed the reminder.

All these years later, voter registration is still my passion. But, the actual act of voting had become less personal for me, more rote. Frankly, voting often felt more like an obligation than a privilege. Sometimes it was inconvenient.

My friend Wendy, who is my age and studied women's history, saw the HBO movie, too. When she stopped by my desk to talk about it, she looked angry. She was--with herself. 'One thought kept coming back to me as I watched that movie,' she said.

'What would those women think of the way I use, or don't use, my right to vote? All of us take it for granted now, not just younger women, but those of us who did seek to learn.' The right to vote, she said, had become valuable to her 'all over again.'

HBO released the movie on video and DVD . I wish all history, social studies and government teachers would include the movie in their curriculum I want it shown on Bunco night, too, and anywhere else women gather. I realize this isn't our usual idea of socializing, but we are not voting in the numbers that we should be, and I think a little shock therapy is in order.

It is jarring to watch Woodrow Wilson and his cronies try to persuade a psychiatrist to declare Alice Paul insane so that she could be permanently institutionalized. And it is inspiring to watch the doctor refuse. Alice Paul was strong, he said, and brave. That didn't make her crazy. The doctor admonished the men: 'Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity.'

Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know. We need to get out and vote and use this right that was fought so hard for by these very courageous women. Whether you vote democratic, republican or independent party - remember to vote. History is being made.

Thank you to the person that wrote this!

Please, also see my previous post Disturbed (below).

Disturbed

I'm becoming alarmed about what might be a "new" trend of thinking. Maybe it has been around for a while, and I'm just learning about it. Maybe I just stumbled upon a small pocket (can't think of the word I want to use) who believes "this".

"This" is pushing feminity or being feminine. "This" doesn't sound so bad or frightening on the surface. After all, I am a grown woman who has been married for over thirty years. I have children and grandchildren. I believe in families. I know how to love, nuture, laugh, and cry. I know how to cook, bake bread, preserve, garden, sew, and clean. I can read the Bible, read poetry, do embroidery, play the piano, and even sing (plug your ears!). (Unfortunately, I never learned to dance.) Some would consider me kind and caring. I try to be respectful to others. I think I know how to pray. I know how to behave in our church. (I even know how to make candles, milk a cow, gather and candle eggs, pluck a fowl, and could probably spin wool, weave fabric, and make baskets if I had to.) These are considered feminine traits.

However! What I have been reading suggests that a wife should always be subservient to her husband. These groups or people are spewing that women should not involve themselves in politics. The husband should be the one to tell his wife how to think. The husband should fight all his wife's battles. The wife should never say an unkind word or raise her voice or argue. The husband should take care of all the finances. And, the women should always wear feminine, flattering dresses and do only "feminine" things. Old writings? NO! Only from one religious group? NO, several.

Still doesn't sound so bad? What would happen if your husband passed away? Would you know how to take care of yourself? If not, who would take care of you? Do you want to give up the right to think for yourself? Do you want to give up the right to vote? Do you want to give up the right to be a doctor, lawyer, or business woman? Do you want to stand there and let your husband and/or others "trample" you? Do you want to give up the right to wear jeans :)???

One place I read went on to say that the 1970's feminism movement was the cause of man's irresponsibily toward society and the reason that men now treat women so poorly. Maybe, some, but it even went on to say that men of the older generations were responsible bread-winners and were kind, considerate, and gentle to their wives and families. It didn't say generally, either.

HUH? What about all the men who deserted their families - way before 1970's feminism? What about the men who raped women and got away with it - way before 1970's feminism? What about husbands that beat their wives and/or children - way before 1970's feminism? What about the men who considered it their right to have multiple affairs - way before 1970's feminism? What about the men who never did a day's work - way before feminism. There might have been some surface social curtesies. By digging into your own family history, reading history, or listening to older people talk about their lives shows that men were really no better before the 1970's.

For the most part, women have always been strong. They have kept "civilization" going while raising their children, whether by working to keep a household together, by working on their farm, by working in a factory, or by scrubbing toilets. They have fought for their family's safety. They have always done what needed to be done.

Feminism may have gone overboard, but:
I excerise my right to vote for whom I please. This is relatively new right for women in the U.S. Please take advantage of this!
I reserve the right to wear jeans.
I reserve the right argue with my husband if I think he is wrong.
I reserve the right to yell and/or swear and/or even drink alcohol if I wish.
I reserved the right to say how many children I wanted. (There are your husband's wishes to consider and also religious issues, but I personally don't believe in knowingly (key word "knowingly") endangering your life and/or the child's life to have a child. To me, this is the same as playing Russian roulette or trying to commit suicide or infantcide. (Hey, I wanted to be alive to take care of my children myself.) There are those that say birth control is evil or a form of murder. Who are we to say that God didn't intend to have birth control discovered? (This should be thoroughly discussed with your husband-to-be.)
I pay the bills (but try to keep my husband informed).
I reserve the right to read whatever I want to read.
I reserve the right to go back to college and study whatever I want.
I reserve the right to work outside the home if I wish.
I reserve the right to not clean, cook, pamper, or pander to my husband's every wish.
If I am doing the same job as a man, I expect equal pay.
If my husband should beat me, I would expect him to be arrested and jailed.
I reserve the right of being a wife to ask my husband for help if I need it.
I expect help from my husband even when I don't ask.
I reserve the right to get a divorce if life with my husband should become unbearable.
I like the fact that if I wanted, I could buy and own land without a co-signer or without my husband's approval.
I like the fact that I can go buy my own car without my husband's approval.
I like that I can actually own something. Period. Used to be that if the husband died, the only thing the woman owned was what he willed her or her silver - if she was lucky enough to have any.
And, just so you know, I absolutely love and respect my husband even if he does drive me a little nuts sometimes!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am certainly glad women are no longer mere chattels.